Something I discovered today

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If your colleagues can't be bothered to post on your blog any more, why not not bother nagging them, because it won't work, no matter how hard you try.


*sob*

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If your colleagues are busy with activities outside the office, why not entertain yourself by sorting through pigeon holes.








NOTE
No pigeons have been harmed in the writing of this post.

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If your nose is itching, why not use your long fingernail to scratch it. If your nails are not long enough, why not ask a co-worker with a long fingernail to scratch it for you. This tip also applies to itches inside your nose.

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If you are really cross for no particular reason, why not try thinking of a new *Handy Hint of the Day* to add to your blog.

WARNING!
The above tip may not work, and can result in increasing your crossness.

Make yourself feel more important at work

Here are some tips to make yourself feel more important:

1. Give yourself an official title; "co-ordinator" "officer" "facilitator" are some great ones

2. Make (or get someone else to make) a plaque/name badge/desk sign.

3. Answer the phone in the longest possible way. "Good afternoon, Team Liaison Facilitator speaking, I hope I can assist you or direct your call to someone who may, what is your query?"

4. Make yourself a crown and refer to everyone as your "loyal subjects"

5. Make several trips to the fax machine stating you're waiting for a very important fax. Works best if you say "missive" rather than fax, and that it's coming from abroad.

6. Talking of abroad, before you make a mundane phone call, check with colleagues what the time is somewhere exotic. They'll assume you're making important international calls.

7. Who were you speaking to? Oh, just a "client"...

8. Buy a blackberry.

9. And a bluetooth headset.

10. Use them. ALL THE TIME.

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If you have damaged a wooden tabletop by accidentally (or purposefully) placing a hot cup on the surface, this can be easily remedied by spraying a few times with lavender scented furniture polish (with beeswax) and rubbing furiously with some paper towel.

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If you are quite busy during your working day, save time by posting less on your blog.

*Handy Hint of the Day*

Here's one I saw on Oprah...

If you are short of space, why not store your toilet rolls vertically?

*Handy Hint of the Day*

A problem many people encounter when making a pot of coffee is that when they drink it, they find it slightly too strong for their taste. If you are one of the many, you can combat this common predicament, simply by using fewer coffee grounds next time you make coffee. This will make the coffee less strong, and therefore more to your liking.

If you are not one of the many, why not continue using the same amount of coffee as usual. This will ensure the coffee remains the strength you are used to.

A small minority of people may find that their coffee is too weak, in which case may I suggest making the pot of coffee a few days in advance, then leaving it out in the open somewhere (for example, on your kitchen worktop; dining table; porch, etc) allowing some of the water to evaporate. Then reheat the coffee, either by boiling in a pan or microwaving for approx. 30 seconds. You will find the coffee tastes stronger than before.

Websites of the Week

Here at interestingtonobody, we like to keep you up to date with technology, which is why we would like to bring you a round up of my top five...

Websites of the Week!

http://www.mymotherlooksnicerthanyours.com/
A great site where users can upload pictures of their mothers and compare and rate with other users.

http://www.guesstheweightoftherhino.com/
A competition site where you can guess the weight of the Black Rhino pictured for a price of $2.99. This competition started in 1999, so get voting for your chance to win.

http://www.cheesefromiraq.net
Order all your favourite Iraqi cheeses online. Postage is free for all orders over 1000 Dinar.

http://www.antheasforehead.org
A very detailed fansite for Anthea Turner's forehead. Biography, galleries, and upcoming projects.

http://www.forcryingoutloudapeanutisntanutitsalegumeyouidiot.com
A site dedicated to raising awareness about the botanical specification of the peanut as a legume, not a nut. It shows the potential for activism work through the medium of the internet.

CLICK back here for more techophilia whenever i can be bothered to update.


Disclaimer: Any problems with the sites included in this review are to be taken up with the webmasters, and not the bloggists. Thankyou.

What's this?

Some sailors.

Re: Multilingualism - The 'Hello' vs 'Hullo' Debate

As the author of the original post on multiligual emails, I would like to publicly disown the post below, because 'Hello' is an English word. I would also like to make a face at David. Nur.

Multilingual Post... Update!

Hi, a really uninteresting update to yesterday's post.

Reading the post and comments, i felt moved to inform everyone (poster and commenter alike) that the word "hello" is, in fact, an Americanism. Hullo, Hallo, Hola and other such greetings have been around for longer than i care, but "hello" was most definitely American, and popularised by the great Thomas Edison, who shunned Alexander Graham Bell's insistence that everyone should say "ahoy" when they answer the phone (NB he stole the invention anyway so who cares what he thinks).


With the growing network of telephone communication (tele - far, phone - sound, communicate - to make information communal... so you know) "hello" spread and kicked ahoy's arse.

Fowler's Dictionary of Modern English Usage states in 1926:
"Hello, formerly an Americanism, is now nearly as common as hullo in Britain ... and the Englishman cannot be expected to give up the right to say hello if he likes it better than his native hullo."

So... we have the Americans to thank for hello. But also for Britney Spears, so i don't know what to think.

Today we are totally loving...

sexy words of three syllables or less (preferably only one).

wow

It took me over two hours to write that last post.

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If you're supposed to be posting a "*Handy Hint of the Day*" but can't actually think of any "*Handy Hints*" to post, why not write a post about how you cannot think of any "*Handy Hints*" and disguise it as a "*Handy Hint of the Day*"?

Today we are totally loving...

sexy multilingual emails!

NEWER VEGETABLE OF THE MONTH

The newest (and best) vegetable of the month is...

THE POTATO!!!

Although celeriac is quite delicious (so I'm told), my favourite vegetable of all time is THE POTATO!!!, and seeing as I'm alone in the office and there's no one here to stop me, I've decided it should be the new vegetable of the month. So it is. Hurrah!

For more information on THE POTATO!!! please see en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Potato

*Handy Hint of the Day*

When tiling a floor, why not try waiting for the tile adhesive to set before stepping on any tiles, so as to ensure the tiles stay where you put them.

NEW VEGETABLE OF THE MONTH!

In a surprise over-turning of the previous winner, the carrot, Interesting to nobody are proud to announce that there is an all new vegetable of the month.................


CELERIAC!


Why, might you ask would we deprive the carrot of this honour? Well, for the following reasons:

Celeriac has all the flavour of celery (and come on, we all love celery don't we?) but the appeareance of 'a rough, creamy brown turnip'. Doesn't that sound just delicious?!

Also, celeriac is known sometimes as 'turnip-rooted celery' or 'knob celery'. I don't know about you, but my mouth is watering just typing this.

But reader beware, if you are planning to sample this exquisite vegetable, be sure to buy small to medium firm bulbs that feel heavy for their size as larger bulbs can be 'woody'. I think we all know what thats about.

Up yours carrot!!

Good points, well made.

Jason Statham is starring in a film called Death Race aka Death Race 3000, which is set in 2012.

Do people like to eat rabbit? I really like it, but i have a rabbit. Is that wrong? I don't want to eat him. I mean, obviously i would in a life-or-death situation but you know...

Someone close to the "writing team" drinks grape juice mixed with pineapple juice.

Great big shout out to our one "follower". It's so great to have you, and we hope you find what you are looking for. When it's competition time, i think you stand a very good chance of winning.

Hindy Hint of the Day

When you're in work with a hangover, why not take a long lunch break and get your hair cut. The soothing snip of the scissors, the playful chitchat of the professional at work. Makes you feel great.

What i'm thinking... now

I was thinking we'll probably get more readership if we include nudity. We've already shown a naked hand. So in today's showcase... the elbow.

Pardon me while i get technical, but the elbow is the bit that connects the upper arm bit to the bit below that, you know, with the hand on it. It moves and hinges about, but can't make it to your mouth.

And just look at it here in it's nakedness. Marvellous isn't it. Teasing you with a side profile shot.

For reference, when elbows occur on legs, they're known as knees.

What?

The Blog is only result no.11 if you search google for interesting to nobody. Climb the ladder...

And now, you can subscribe and become a follower. Tell your family and friends all about the great news.

Stay interesting to nobody.

Gurning

As i'm sure you all know, September is the month of the Egremont Crab Fair, which is famous for the World Gurning Championships.

I imagine i'll see you all down there. The programme of events is available from today at the website http://egremontcrabfair.com/.

Happy gurning.

This side of interesting

Are we feeling September-y? Sept of course from the Latin septem meaning seventh. How are enjoying the 7th month of the Roman year? Gregorian?? Nonsense. In fact on the 2nd September in 1752, Britain adopted the Gregorian calendar for the first time, declaring the next day September 14th. People protested on the streets, demanding their 11 days back.

September's flower is morning glory *insert innuendo here*.

September's vegetable, this year, is of course the carrot, and did you know that September and December always start on the same day? So Dec 1st will be a Monday too... Check your Sasco Academic Year Planner if you don't believe me (Other brands of wall planner, diary, calendar, sundial will do).

Vegetable of the Month

September's prestigious Vegetable of the Month Award goes to....


THE CARROT

Yes, that VitaminA-packed, orange-fleshed miracle that often graces our plates has beaten all other vegetables to become interestingtonobody's very first Vegetable of the Month. Try it raw dipped in taramasalata or cooked, in your squirrel stew. Try grating it into a carrot cake (not advisable with the carrot's feisty cousin, the parsnip) or make yourself some juice or jam. These reasons and literally a few more are why the carrot reigns supreme. For now.

Please begin your campaign for your favourite vegetable so you can see it as October's... Vegetable of the Month.

Handy Hint of the Day

When your colleague who usually writes the "handy hint of the day" section of your blog is away, why not think of one yourself. This can then be posted on the blog, so that nobody will ever know.

Hi

Hi

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If your computer monitor is looking bland, why not give some stickers to a friend so that they can decorate it with constellations or other interesting designs.

Peanut Butter and Jam

Today i tried peanut butter and raspberry jam. Unfortunately it wasn't as good as peanut butter and blackcurrant jam. Now i have a jar of raspberry jam that i probably won't use. Maybe i'll make a Victoria sponge... although, i wonder, do i have enough flour?

Poll Results

What do you think about something controversial and topical?

30% of you think it's a disgrace
30% of you agree with the notion, but not the method

and 33% believe that it's about time.

I think this is quite telling, and it really makes you think.

Today we are totally loving...

sexy rolodexes!

Response to Reader

This post is a response to an email we received from a reader with concerns (and anger issues) about the inconsistent nature of our posting frequency.
------------------
Dear Angry Subscriber,

Thank you for taking time out of your obviously busy day to email us. As you know, we are always pleased to receive feedback from our readers.

I would like to address your concerns using bullet points, and have done so below:

• 'What sort of blog is this?' - it is intended to be an informative and topical blog, covering the many issues we feel people should be concerned with, however, as you may have already deduced from the title of the blog, it is not supposed to be interesting.

• Lack of posts today - if you would care to press the 'refresh' button (alternatively pressing the F5 key works on most browsers) you will see that there have been posts made today. If you would also care to scroll down the page using your mouse wheel (alternatively pressing the down arrow on your keyboard, or making sure that the num lock is not active and pressing the number '2' key on your numberpad) you will see that none of the many posts yesterday were made until after 12.00pm. If you had waited until after 12.00pm today, you would not have had cause for complaint.

• Issues regarding a refund - if you do decide that you wish to unsubscribe from the blog, please be aware that we can only offer a partial refund, due to the fact that you didn't actually pay us anything to read the blog in the first place. I hope you understand our position on this matter.

I hope that you continue to enjoy interestingtonobody, and wish you every success in your future career.


I would also add as a post script, that you are not the only member of our readership, as you can see from all the comments we receive, we have a large and varied following, albeit slightly mental.

CELEBRITY GOSSIP, with David, that's me!

Ashley-Lou-Marylee Chizzlesplit has recently found religion. The peppy star of popular teen musical "Popular Teen Musical 4" has split with long-term (2 month) boyfriend Rie-ann Chasterburger announcing that she is going to marry God. It promises to be a glitzy affair organised by wedding planner to the stars, Talula Wintertonterton. OK! have secured all photographic rights. Ashley-Lou-Marylee says she's happier than ever and can't wait for the wedding night. Rie-ann was unavailable to comment as he is currently promoting his "auto"biography, "My Life to Now: 19 Years of Stuff that Happened to Me", described by The Independent as "quite a nice size and shape for a book."

Here's a picture of the couple in happier times. Drawn by me, on Barry Island Beach.

And for all Lesley LaBelle fans, we received word today that she's doing very well in rehab and thanks her fans for all their continued support.

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If you are eating a jam sandwich, and you have some peanut butter handy, why not add the peanut butter to your jam sandwich to make a peanut butter and jam sandwich, for a delicious treat.

Today we are totally loving...

sexy bees!

(if you hadn't noticed already...)

Bee Beads!

Did you know, if you gather up some dead bees and thread them onto a string, you can have your very own bee bead necklace! Irresistible!

WARNING: make sure the bees are completely deceased before attempting to thread them onto a string. For more information, see your local beehive or beehusbandry centre.

SEX

Now that i've got your attention, i wonder who the first person to use the "Sex: now that i've got your attention... etc..." ploy was?

It's pretty interesting, to nobody.

Would you like a pet bee?

Did you know that if you freeze some bees, then tie a thread round them before they wake up you can have your very own pet bees!

The bee in the picture didn't wake up unfortunately.



*The bloggers would like to state that they do not condone the abuse of bees. For more information see your local beehive or beehusbandry centre*

Dewey Decimal System

Quite interesting, if you're interested in that sort of thing...

The Truth About Bees

The Honey Bee is a member of a genus that dates back at least 35 million years, in fact some experts believe they have been producing honey for over 150 million years. They navigate by the sun, not only in the day but in the night. This means the Bee truly comprehended the spherical nature of the Earth long before a human bee-ing worked it out. They are also incredibly sensitive to the Earth's magnetism. In fact, placing a strong magnet underneath a beehive will disturb the geometric nature of the construction and the bees will build an odd, comb-shaped structure.

Nobody fully understands how the bee buzzes, as experiments have been undertaken with wing-clipping and spiracle stuffing, and still the bee buzzes.

Honey bees are considered to be the highest form of insect, and they are the only bee that dies after it stings you. This is because the stinger has barbs that stay in your skin to keep pumping venom; when the bee flies away it tears its exoskeleton and in most circumstances will die. The queen honey bee is, however, born without barbs so she can use her smooth stinger to kill other female bees. When a queen is born she utters a squawk; any new-born siblings respond, and the queen proceeds to find them all in the hive and kill them.

Bees like fermented apples, ie cider. If they get too drunk, guard bees will sting them to death. Stinging isn't the only form of defense though. Bees can form a buzzing vibrating sphere around an enemy, raising the interior temperature so much that the enemy inside dies. This is used to overthrow a defective queen, as well as defending the hive.

For more information visit your local beehive and beehusbandry centre.

Coincidence...or Conspiracy?

If you click on 'random article' on wikipedia three times, and it takes you to a page with a photo of the building you're sat in, is it just a coincidence, or something more sinister...? Discuss.

SCRABBLE WORD OF THE DAY!!!

Today's best scrabble word is.......... VAG
as in 'I really like your VAG, man'

Fact of the Day

Contrary to popular belief, the comedian Richard Herring is not an actual type of fish but a human, just like you!

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If you are having difficulty when moving a small photocopier, why not ask a friend to help?

Proverb of the Month

A clean office is a happy office.

Today we are totally loving...

sexy countertop dishwashers!

Sick Bed News

Yesterday my throat was sore, but my friend came over and we drank wine.
Today my throat and head hurt.
Learn from my mistakes, because i certainly won't.

SCRABBLE WORD OF THE DAY!

Todays best Scrabble word is..............................................


......................................wan, as in 'you look a bit wan today percy'.

Today we are totally loving...

sexy neon clothes!

*Handy Hint of the Day*

If you accidentally hit the CAPS key when typing, you can easily change your upper case text to lower case text by highlighting the text, then pressing shift and F3.

PORKINGTON TERRACE - HERE WE COME!

*Handy HinT of the Day*

When typing the heading to a post on your blog, make sure you double check it before posting to avoid confusing readers.

*Handy Hing of the Day*

Before wrapping a present, always check that you are only cutting through one sheet of wrapping paper, to avoid waste.

CELEBRITY GOSSIP with David, me.

Celebrity gossip is lucrative, right? Being sued is not. Whats the answer? My new post!



Lesley LaBelle, star of Ten Things I Hate About Squirrels and Dude, where's my Colon? has checked into rehab once again. This time the "troubled" starlet is battling her addiction to processed ham. Her money-grabbing mother and crazy father are swearing they'll stick by her. Here's a picture of her that i drew.



Check back next time if i can be bothered for more news that's complete rubbish, and frankly, interesting to nobody.

Share the love.

Welcome

Hi and welcome to the newest and most pointless blog on the world wide interweb. Today we wonder, has Jason Statham been in any good films? Can i pretend to watch Transporter for any other reason than looking at him? How many caesarean sections can a woman have? Can there be a "jiltee"? What was Max Payne about again?

All of these things are really interesting to nobody.

Also, the photocopier has one-touch settings which was good for a few minutes.